I am alone I explore the house quietly, room to room, getting a feel
for the place, even check out the bedrooms, one of which will be for
the baby and just the thought of that makes me want to cry, but I
don't, of course. I wipe my face blaming it on how tired I feel. I
have no idea what I am going to do and how I can escape this, I know
that this place is only temporary, I can't very well hide out in here
forever, eventually I'll have to face the things after us.
I return to the living room and build a fire in the fireplace, I love the smell of real wood fires, the crackling of the wood as it is consumed, I settle down in front of it and just stare into it trying to let it warm my bones, but I still feel cold inside I don't think that will ever go away. Demons don't get to be comfortable, we don't deserve happy endings, we are damned for a reason, we are monsters that get hunted for a reason. There is no proverbial white picket fence life for me. I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish here and I'm dragging Castiel down with me. Could this be why I forgot him? Maybe in the end it was for the best and I messed things up.
I'm exhausted and lay down with cushions and his coat, the fireplace blazing and crackling being the only sound, I don't dream, just fret some more even in sleep, maybe try to muster up enough courage to leave this all behind and face my own demons head on. In my sleep I wrap my arms around myself, protecting my baby. If for nothing else, I want it to be free and safe, after it's born, I don't care what happens to me, but my child is not a Demon and has no sins to be condemned for.
Still stunned by his encounter in the woods with Death, of all beings, Cas was away from the cottage far longer than he'd ever intended to be. Still, he'd remembered to stop to collect the supplies he needed from the cabin at the academy, along with borrowing a few extra things tucked away in a safe within the little armory the academy maintained, before making his way back to the house where Meg still waited. Or, so he hoped.
Power thrummed through him; it was strange, distracting, making it hard to focus as he drove. The thought had occurred to him that he probably didn't need to drive back. There were a lot of things he could probably do differently now, should he choose. But, Cas really did love his car. And...he wasn't sure he was ready to test the limits of his newly blended grace. Being an archangel, he mused, would take a lot of getting used to.
He felt the wards' steady power as he pulled up to the cottage, the strength of them reassuring him that nothing had tried to test them while he'd been away. He parked the car and got out, dragging a bag of supplies along with him. Cas stood beside the car for a moment, just looking at the house, thinking about how much his entire life had changed in just the course of a couple of days. Still, he thought as he mounted the steps up onto the porch, he couldn't consider any of them bad changes, even if they were a bit overwhelming.
He hesitated on the porch, noting the tingle that ran over his skin with both surprise and amusement. He could sense the wards, sure, but he'd never had the power to feel them quite so strongly. It was reassuring, however. If he could feel the strength of them now, even though he was attuned to the ones meant to ward against angels, then they should be strong enough to keep the cottage from being found by anyone he didn't want finding it - once he fully completed them.
He pulled the key from the pocket of his trousers and unlocked the door. Before he even stepped inside, he could feel her inside, honey-sweetness nearly overwhelmed by the sense of power – or, rather, the potential of power – from the child that rested within her. Castiel closed the door behind him as quietly as possible, then moved through the main room to set the bag down on the kitchen counter. Judging that nothing was in danger of going bad immediately – and realizing he could fix that easily now, if he chose – he left the bag and moved quietly back into the main room.
There she lay, Meg, his little bee, honey-sweet and beautiful even to his eyes which could see the truth of what she was within. He ached to touch her, perhaps just hold her, yet...he worried for her. He knew that creating a cambion was a difficult process, requiring much power. Now, he suspected, nurturing one might require even more, and he was concerned that it might be too much for her. A fierce protectiveness rose up within him as he stood looking down at her, surprising him with the power within his newly altered grace that rose up in answer to his need.
felt the presence before I even opened black Demon eyes, like a
burning claw reaching out into the strange dream place I am in, as a
Demon, although we do not dream, we do have the memories of a
lifetime and mine are unsurprisingly not pleasant one's. Sometimes
when the imagery is particularly difficult, the memory of his kind
and worried blue eyes or his infectious smile would come along to
offer me some much sought after comfort, only to find myself falling
back into that non-dreaming nightmare, it is a strange sensation.
That this, even stranger Angel, despite what I have done, what I am
or have become, cares for me so much as to drop everything, change
his life around to protect me at all costs, my mind can't help but
conjure him up to remind me of that fact. The presence reaching out
to me also feels like him, just amplified in some way that feels
almost alien, the change is palpable enough that my first waking
instinct is to recoil from it.
The sudden awakening and subsequent scramble to my feet a safer few feet away from Castiel takes all of a few seconds before, still sleep confused, my brain kicks in trying to get Castiel back into focus, remembering where I am and why, all the while, with impossibly wide eyes, looking at him as if he were a flame threatening to burn me. "What have you done, Castiel?" The question comes out breathlessly and I begin to catch up to myself finally.
Castiel's presence is so warm and gentle, I still feel dizzy with it, like having spent too long basking in the warm sun. Although I can feel that he's changed somehow, he still looks at me with such care and desire I can't help myself as I move closer to him again, reaching out to touch him carefully as if approaching a wild bear, certain I would be mauled, but finding it irresistible, the urge to touch. Like a moth to a flame.
My fingers tremble before they slip over his jaw with just the barest of pressure and I seem so fascinated with him, seeing past him and into him as I have rarely allowed myself to look before. My hands skimming over his cheeks, then down to his shoulders before I walk into him, my arms slipping away and up past his shoulders to close around him so that I am plastered from toe to nose against him and I breath in deeply before, shamelessly pushing myself up to the balls of my feet and rubbing my softer cheek against his rougher one, sighing with pleasure at the friction.
He froze when she woke suddenly, concern and fear for her and a touch of the desire to hold her close flooding his features as she scrambled away from him, pitch black eyes stark against the pale skin of her face. It was only then that he realized his grace, without his bidding, had been reaching out for her, seeking to follow his desire to protect her, even from her own terrifying memories. Carefully, still trying to get used to the changes within himself, within the very essence of what he was, he tugged at his grace until it withdrew, folding completely back within his vessel.
“I...” He let the rest of what he might have said just then fade away unsaid, shaking his head slightly, unsure how to explain she she must be sensing different about him. He could barely grasp it himself, how could he possibly explain it to her right now. Still, he knew he'd have to....soon.
Castiel remained still as she approached, suddenly fearful of doing anything to startle her. Yet, the moment her skin met with his, the barest brush of her fingers against his jaw, his determination to have care with her, to guard her from what he had so recently become just shattered completely. Unbidden, a groan fell from his lips as they parted slightly, his eyes locked to hers.
He could actually feel her looking deep, looking within him, and he welcomed it, letting her see whatever she wanted, letting her seek out whatever she wished. Finally...<i>finally</i> he was able to let some of the grief he'd carried for her for so long slip away. This was Meg, <i>this</i> was her, and she was here, and he could really let himself believe that it wasn't some strange insanity that had descended. She was here, she was real, and he willingly, even eagerly, let her see what that meant to him with every bit of everything he was.
Having drifted a bit with the sensations, he came back to himself to find her pressed against him, her cheek against his so that he could feel the rasp of his stubble against her smoother, softer skin. Without hesitation, he slid his hands along her sides, wrapping them around her. Lifting her slight form just enough to take the pressure off her feet, he backed up until his knees met with the still dusty overstuffed chair behind him, and he let himself fall back into it, cradling her protectively, settling her onto his lap.
He nuzzled his face into her soft hair, marveling that even that seemed to carry with it the essence of honey, the scent almost intoxicating. “Meg,” he murmured into her hair, unsure of himself suddenly, and unsure of where the words he felt a need to say came from. “Stay with me. Please stay with me. So much...so much changed while I was gone, and it feels like it's too much, and I need you.” He pulled back, just enough to be able to look into her eyes, searching them for...something, but he wasn't quite sure what. “Please, stay with me...”
moment my feet leave the ground my mouth is against his in a slow
searing kiss that makes my whole body ache. He steps back holding me
securely to him and sits down and I settle into his lap fully, never
breaking the exploratory kiss, my lips sliding against his tortuously
slow. I want to taste him and that glorious fire under his skin. No
longer recoiling but like a moth to a flame, begging to be burned,
maybe chase away a bit of that chill and darkness that's been
clinging to me for as long as I can remember.
I am dizzy with his proximity, my skin breaks out in goose flesh as it prickles with the sensation of his power and I devour it all and sigh against his mouth. My teeth graze his lower lip finally as I pull back but not too far away, I want to share his breath a little longer, his pupils blown so wide I could fall into them and drown. I smile a bit, my hands coming down to his shoulder then up the back of his head threading through his hair, my nails light against his scalp. No words are needed right now, I'm ready for this, to let go of all my fears and barriers for him, I want more than just his protection and it shakes me to the core, I want to remember why he loves me so much because I want to remember loving him too. I must have. I see it in his eyes and in the way he touches me.
I give his hair a light tug before releasing him and slowly slipping my hands down to his shirt, taking a hold of his ever present tie and deliberately slowly releasing the knot, my eyes don't leave his all the while, I want him to know that I'm right here, fully with him right now and I'm not going anywhere, I owe him that much. Whatever has happened to him, we'll deal with it together. There is a soft hiss as I pull the tie away and slip it around my own neck before closing in on his mouth again for a deeper kiss that lasts until one of us has to come up for air. I dearly hope someone has made the bed.